Marriage,the Myth and the unspoken truth
Ever since you start growing up enough to understand cartoons,you start dreaming about prince charming,the prince who would fight dragons,evil witches and vicious step moms to win your heart. And in your teen life,you start watching romantic movies,taking your dreams to another level,you start dreaming of the lover who would die away from you and would sacrifice everything for your happiness, you dream of leading the happiest life, filled with hugs and kisses, romantic dates,surprises ,never ending romance and many more romantic myths that were planted in our heads and hearts.
Then as you grow old enough to experience love, and fail to find the prince charming or the everlasting lover who'd stay up all night thinking of you,you start compromising your dreams to fit the new reality,you settle for less than your dreams,your expectations..still hoping to have someone who can understand you, talk to you and dream of spending the rest of his life next to you.you start your new dream of a splendid marital life, building new beliefs that you alone are responsible for your
marriage success and happiness.. you alone can turn your life into a fairytale, your home into a
love nest. You start planting the idea, nurturing it and growing it into the new dream of happiness,
Where you can break free from all your family restrictions, be a queen of your own kingdom,have romantic quality time with your love, sleeping in one another's arms talking all night, waking up to kisses, getting breakfast in bed ,candle light dinners and never apart.
And for the sake of this new heavenly dream,you give up more of your expectations,settle again and again and again,conveincing yourself that all would change once you set foot in your love nest.
And even though you practically spend the worst days of your life (almost 90% of couples do) a couple of months before your wedding, in which you experience all sorts of stress and fighting over everything and sometimes even almost breaking up. You still manage to hold on to your beliefs.
Then comes your wedding day, your dream is finally coming true, and if you're lucky enough
(almost 10 % of couples aren’t) you won't get into a fight before the party,and the night goes smoothly.
You start your new life, your dream.Ok, so you have fun,some sweet days, you might even get breakfast in bed once.
Then Boom…Vacation's over,work starts and…wait a minute,what just happened???
You realize you can't wake up to kisses or get breakfast in bed if you are the one who does all the waking.you are alone all day,he's busy to talk,and the talking gets less.Then,home tired,may b a headache,work stress and the talking gets even less.
And Boom again,Pregnant,confused,frustrated,overwhelmed and mostly alone,no chance to speak your heart out..Then Bang,baby,less talk more effort,lonliness,anger,absence..what the hell???
You realize that you can't have candle light dinners with baby on your lap,you can't sleep in each other's arms if he sleeps in a different room because baby cry wakes him up while he needs to rest cos he has to work in the morning!! You can't stay up all night talking if he sleeps and leaves you outside with a wide awake baby and you can't talk your heart out because he might just fall asleep right after eating because he's REALLY tired.
Then it hits you…you discover,may be too late that you alone are not responsible for your marriage success or happiness,you understand that it takes TWO to tango,and that if you can manage to stay up 2 days straight,working,cleaning,caring for babies,talking if needed and buying home needs,then a man should be able to do twice as much..
And as disappointing and annoying as this disvovery is,knowing that this is a common situation,for almost all couples have the same problem in their marriage except few lucky ones.Because then you know that it’s not you,it’s people misconception of marriage and marital life and responsibilities.
Don’t settle,get real ,don’t lie to yourself and think you are smarter than every other woman around you including your own mother.Make a life of your own, don’t build your happiness and well being on your partner's presence, by doing this, you are being unfair to them too.
Set rules for your life, set goals for your marriage and talk to your other half about it. They shouldn't be responsible for your unspoken expectations,don't punish them for your own mistake.
And to you,frustrated,disappointed fellow married women,try to get the best of what you got,enjoy the other half of the cup..It's never too late to start…
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