My body talks (2)
Today I'd love to continue my journey of listening to my body with you. I was surprised when my body started asking for food that I long rejected, but was even more surprised when it asked for food I've never tasted before! It asked for broccoli. I was craving it. I never even ate it before nor was I ever interested in it!
On my check up appointment, my doctor asked me to practice swimming. It would help my muscles get stronger so I could get back on my feet. That sounds normal in my case, what wasn’t normal is that i never ever wanted to swim when my back was fine. But after my back pain started two years ago, I wanted to swim but I put it off until my back was fine again, but now was the time. I couldn’t put it off again.
I started training and I had a panic attack the first time I got into the water. I was too afraid, I couldn't do the breathing exercise with the coach. After I tried to relax and be mindful, my fear resurfaced and I realized I was afraid of my body. I didn’t trust it and I was afraid it was gonna fail me and not be able to carry out the moves the coach was trying to teach me. I was so tense that I got my body stiff, and it was too painful to make the slightest move.
At that moment, I stood in my place and didn’t move. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and started communicating with my body. I asked it to help me. And I asked it to make the move the coach was asking for, and to my surprise, it listened! And I made the move successfully.
I finished my practice and was so happy and active that day. Despite the pain I felt alive and connected with my body. I also enjoyed eating after my practice. It wasn’t just a meal to satisfy my hunger, I felt how much I missed myself, missed my body. Before bed, I patted my body and said thank you for helping me that day. I slept soundly and woke up rested and active. It was nearly the first time in my life to sleep so soundly, both physically and mentally, and for the first time in my life, I knew what a good night sleep really means.
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